Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The best revenge is premature balding
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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