you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
my liver is dry heaving
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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