I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize