I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
