So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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