How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
