I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
