im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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