WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize