we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize