Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Boobs are out for the taking
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
