Duck Duck Cougar?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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