I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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