i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You've changed since you got that strap on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
