my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
