proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize