break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
