i think my tv is drunk
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
