I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
