when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize