it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
