That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
