if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
