My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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