I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I love you. Go after that dick
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
