just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize