it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
