He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
