i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
