I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
