it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
