the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
