Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
