One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize