So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
