after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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