don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
