he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
