someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
