Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize