and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
