we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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