This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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