we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
