We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize