Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we're making bets on your personal life
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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