Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
