There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
They took my balls.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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