Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
