I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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