That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
