My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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