There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
