we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
