Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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