I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
