I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
