shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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