I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
