If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
