Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
