Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
