drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
