I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
