I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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