i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
