This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
