I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
