I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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