i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
