haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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