So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
